Monday, March 18, 2013

Awkward Moment

Today's Workout:
8 mile run

Howdy Friends!!
In celebration of Awkward Moments Day, today I will share the most awkward, disgusting, humiliating, too-sensational-not-to-tell story that occurred to me  my friend while running. Get ready because this story will either make you fall to the ground from laughter and/or it will make you puke!
Awkward: (áwkwərd) embarrassing and requiring great tact or skill to resolve.
Have you ever been out for a run and all of a sudden your stomach starts rumbling and making all sorts of noises? As you keep on running your stomach continues to bounce up and down and then you feel something start to creep out? This is what I call a turtle-head. Anyway, you continue running in hopes that the awkward sensation will subside, but to your dismay, it only gets worse. Now, you're starting to sweat profusely and your "Oh, my God's" sound like you're having an episode of Tourette's. You begin to wonder, "What if I run faster so I can get home quicker?" But you soon find that this is not the best option because gravity will pull down everything you have in your stomach. What to do, what to do? This is the "Oh Sh*t" moment I my friend had one day when she went out for a run.
It was 4 o'clock in the morning when my friend (we will call her Ms. Deuce) went out for an 18 mile run alongside the beach by Bal Harbour (in Miami). The morning was cool and just perfect for a Sunday run. Ms. Deuce decided she would try a new performance/energy drink that was recommended by a friend. Her friend told her that the drink was fantastic and would give her tons of stamina throughout the run. So, Ms. Deuce decided to try it. Gulp, gulp, gulp she went and moments later she began running.
At mile 5, Ms. Deuce began feeling an awkward sensation in her stomach. She didn't think much of it, so she kept running. Then, it got worse. She started jogging and looking for a place that might have a bathroom. It was too early so none of the restaurants were open. She then sees an apartment building and pulls on the door to enter. It's closed! As she looks inside, the front desk lady looks at her and nods with her finger. "You can't come in." Ms. Deuce began pleading with the lady and shouts, "I'm not a weird-o, please let me in! Look, I'm a runner (she swings her arms like she's running)." The lady says no again. "Please let me in" yelped Ms. Deuce. Finally the lady gave in and opened the door. Ms. Deuce ran to the bathroom and thanked God she was able to come in. After she was done, Ms. Deuce thanked the lady and she continued running...
About 3 miles later, Ms. Deuce began hearing the rumbling and tumbling in her stomach again. This time, it was twice as worse as the first time. At this point in the run, she's running on the beach with absolutely no buildings around her. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, what do I do? I gotta go!!" "But where," she asked herself. As the pain grew in her stomach, Ms. Deuce stopped running and she "pinched a penny" while she contemplated where she could use a bathroom. There were no toilettes in site! Ms. Deuce began sweating and praying, but there was no way she could hold gravity back. "Oh my God" said Ms. Deuce and her Tourette episode began. God could not even save Ms. Deuce, or so she thought. Then Ms. Deuce looked towards the east and there, right before her eyes, was the largest God-given toilette: the ocean! Yes ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Deuce took off her running shorts and released her pain right in the ocean!!! She was even able to clean herself with the water! After she was done, she put on her shorts and continued running. "That was one determined runner", I thought.
By mile 13, Ms. Deuce met up with a friend along the beach who decided to run with her. Ms. Deuce thought her nightmare was over, but she thought too quickly. As she and her friend ran, Ms. Deuce began feeling the pain again. "Oh no! Not again!" cried Ms. Deuce in her head. This time however, she was closer to a hotel, so she shyly tells her friend that she needs to use the bathroom. "We are getting close to one," says her friend. By that point, Ms. Deuce was "pinching a penny" again while her all-too-familiar sweating, praying and Oh my God routine were once again repeated. From a distance Ms. Deuce sees a lavish, frou frou, five-star hotel and bee-lines it to the pool area. Without asking for permission, Ms. Deuce opens the pool gate and sprints to the bathroom as she barely defeats gravity. "Ahhh, thank you God!" said Ms. Deuce.
Luckily there was no 4th time for Ms. Deuce. She successfully finished her 18 mile run and happily went home after her running debacle.
Ms. Deuce learned two things that day:
1. Don't try new products on long runs &
2. Sh*t happens, just make the best of it =)
What has been your most awkward running moment?
Happy Runnings!

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  1. Yes, Ms. Deuce wasn't very happy =( LOL!

  2. Poor Ms. friend of mine was hill riding his bike while training for track. He ran into his good friend who had been away at college. As they talked he began having issues similar to Ms. Duece. He needed to tell his friend the truth and abruptly ended the conversation. He was unable to lift his leg to get on the bike so he carried the bike home. Unfortunately my friend didn't make it without embarrasment. His brother laughed as my friend ran into the house. Apparently the extra baggage was noticible as soon as he entered the room. S#! T

  3. OoOoO, that sucks Frank! His story is a bit worse than mine. Luckily I was able to hold it in until I reached the toilet =)